Candles, Hampers, and Sex oh my!
by KitannaRed
Summary: Kim and Josh spend the night together, but Kim discovers Josh's true self. This is a Lemon parody...please read it is funny!! R/R!!!


Since no one likes Josh I decided to do a Lemon parody on him. I hope you enjoy this..  
  
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Kim and Josh had gone on another date, Kim was embarrassed as she was dressed for a lovely night at the restaurant and Josh wasn't. Kim was wearing a red silk blouse and a mini skirt, Josh was wearing a stained white t-shirt and baggy dingy jeans. Kim and Josh had been dating for several months now and Kim was growing impatient. Everything was perfect for this special night. Candles were lit and placed around her room, on her desk and night table. Her parents were not home and wouldn't be home for a couple days. The tweebs were spending those couple days terrorizing someone else's home.   
  
Kim led Josh into her room and they began to kiss. Kim pulled off Josh's shirt and began to unzip his pants, leaving his boxers. Josh laid Kim down on her bed still kissing her. He began to unbutton her blouse when his hand jerked spastically and ripped a hole in the blouse.  
  
"I'm so sorry, really." he said  
  
"That's okay, it wasn't too expensive" Kim assured him.  
  
"I'll pay for it"  
  
After Josh had taken the ripped blouse off of her, his attention was grabbed by Kim's bra. It was a black lace bra, he reached him arms around her and began to fumble with the clasp. Kim began to kiss Josh's neck.   
  
"Damn bra." he cursed.  
  
Kim looked at Josh and smiled, she reached behind her and undid the clasp. The bra slid off of her and hit the floor. Josh began to take in short quick breaths before sneezing all over Kim's breasts.   
  
"oops, I'm so sorry" he apologized  
  
Kim gave him a disgusted look and grabbed her torn blouse. She wiped the spit and flem off of her breasts. Josh took the sopping wet blouse from her and dropped it on the floor. She turned back to Josh who was now licking down her torso and started to pull off her mini skirt. Kim prayed that he wouldn't rip the expensive skirt, but he did anyway.   
  
"whoops, sorry about that." he apologized again  
  
Kim rolled her eyes and dropped the ripped skirt on the floor. Josh began to pull off Kim's lacey black panties. He began to kiss her in that oh so sensitive spot, Kim threw her head back in pleasure. Josh soon stopped and held his neck. Kim looked down at him and noticed his face turning red, he began to cough frantically. Josh quickly ran to Kim's connecting bathroom and drank from the fauset. He swished the water around in his mouth before spitting it out. He then drank some more water..  
  
"Are you okay?" Kim worried.  
  
"Yeah, I got pubic hair caught in my throat" he coughed.  
  
Kim raised and eye brow.  
  
"where's the light switch? I have to pee." Josh asked. He began to fumble around until he found a lid. He lifted it up and began to pee.  
  
"I found the toilet, never mind." he said.  
  
Kim awaited for her lover.  
  
When Josh was finished he began to feel around for the flush handle.  
  
"Oh shit" he said.  
  
"What's wrong?" Kim asked still awaiting for his return.  
  
"I realized I just peed in your laundry hamper." he admitted  
  
"What?!"   
  
"I'm so sorry, I'll clean it later." Josh said as he made his way back into the bedroom.  
  
Kim was beginning to have doubts about losing her virginity to Josh, suddenly he wasn't the sophisticated dream guy she thought he was. Kim really started to doubt doing this when Josh began to talk like a redneck.  
  
"I am comin' to put my you know thang, in your you know woman's thang." he said with a slight southern twang.  
  
Josh immediately picked up where he left off, he began to kiss her on the neck. Kim continued even though the southern redneck twang haunted her. He pulled off his boxers and began kiss her some more. This went on for several minutes until Josh stopped.  
  
"uh oh…" he said  
  
"Now what's wrong" Kim was almost afraid to ask.  
  
"I am flaccid…I am limp. I cannot sustain an erection." Josh said.  
  
Kim was fed up by this time. "That's it!"  
  
Kim sat up, pushing Josh off of her and got off of the bed. While she began to dress herself, Josh sat on the edge of the bed and began to talk to himself.  
  
"I don't know why you have to act like this!" he pointed to his penis and began to talk to it. "You always come up when we masturbate to Lizzie McGuire."  
  
Kim looked back at Josh. "Get the fuck out of my house!!"  
  
Kim put new clothes on and grabbed Josh's clothes. Josh stood up and accidentally knocked over one of the candles, it landed on a nearby curtain and set it afire. Kim noticed this right away and grabbed a fire extinguisher, she put out the fire and turned to Josh. She picked his clothes up and grabbed him by the arm. She went downstairs and to the front door, she threw Josh out of the house naked. Then she threw his clothes at him, she slammed the door and locked it.   
  
Josh looked around the front porch and started to get dressed. Meanwhile the police were driving by making a routine patrol when they spotted the naked teenager. They pulled over and fined Josh $300 for running around in public nude. Kim learned her lesson after that mishap..  
  
The moral of this story: don't sleep with some retarded person who will pee in your laundry hamper.   
  
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LOL!! I couldn't resist!! I hope you found this funny! R/R!! Please! Tell what you think. This was written terribly so don't critique me on my writing… 


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